Like many new parents, we took classes, read books, and talked to other parents about what to expect. To commemorate surviving our first six weeks, here are six things from our newborn experience that we found somewhat different from what we were expecting or not even something we anticipated, even after our preparations:
- We were not prepared to find reddish spots in our newborn's wet diapers. They didn't quite look like blood but were more of a brick color. It turns out we were seeing uric acid crystals, a common occurrence among newborns. We first saw the spots as we were preparing to head home from the hospital. We grabbed a nurse to ask about them, and she seemed to indicate it wasn't a big deal, kind of a one off thing. But then we saw them throughout our first day home, which made us so worried we called our pediatricians' office in the middle of the night. Our pediatrician explained what was going on more thoroughly to us and noted it wasn't uncommon to see uric acid crystals for a period of time. Luckily our son stopped having them as soon as my milk came in. We took a class on newborns that never mentioned this could happen; I wish the extensive amount of time our instructor had devoted to not freaking out over what newborns looked like when they emerged had focused on when not to panic about common newborn issues like this instead.
- We're still amazed that our baby can make so much noise while asleep. We heard warnings against jumping up every time the baby makes any sort of noise, something which we immediately realized as impractical as soon as ours fell asleep. Instead, I felt (and sometimes still feel) compelled to jump up when I realize there are no sounds coming from the crib; after such a racket, silent sleep is what worries me! Knock on wood, our baby has been perfectly fine every time we've looked, whether he's making a sound or not. Still, I am still amazed at the variety of sounds that come from the crib: in addition to cries, poops, farts, burps, and spitting up, we hear grunts, snorts, whines, moans, groans, whimpers, mewls, sighs, coos, sniffles, coughs, and more. Much of the sound effects early on and just before waking come from our little guy's attempt to wiggle out of his swaddle blanket; he likes to emphasize each time he frees his arms or kicks his legs ("Uh! Uh! Uh!").
- Newborns have a good deal of alert time. Contrary to the popular image of cute little pink blobs that just lie around and eat, sleep, poop, and cry, even brand new babies can demand a lot of attention and entertainment when they feel like it. I'm sure I'm not the only new mom who found it intimidating the first time I found myself alone with a newborn looking to me for amusement. And such young babies don't exactly tell you what they like, but they will let you know what they dislike! We sometimes can easily figure out what our baby wants to do, like stare at faces, walk around looking at things or just enjoying the movement, and, recently, play the smelling game (where we hold up different objects like containers of herbs from the spice cabinet). Note that I said sometimes! We can also figure out when he's bored, either because we're not focusing our attention on him or because he's done with the current activity. We try to emphasize reading to our little one during his quieter alert moments, as we hope reading will become one of his favorite pastimes and one of the main activities we do together. Now that he's passing the newborn stage his attention span may be a tiny bit longer, but it can still a struggle to get through a board book, short (and I mean short) story or article, or poem. Dramatic readings and moving his arms or legs or whole body to act things out help.
- This might not be true for every baby, but when ours cries the cause is most likely hunger-related. Unless another reason is obvious, our mental checklist to figure out why our child is crying now starts with hunger, which we might double check before moving on to something else, because well over half the time that seems to be his complaint. I've been surprised that our little one cries more during diaper changes than between making that dirty diaper and having it changed; those checklists that start with checking diapers make it seem that babies will scream bloody murder the second their diaper gets even a little bit wet, but the absorbent diapers available today mean that's not necessarily a common occurrence. We are lucky that our baby is pretty easygoing and will stop crying just about as soon as his issue is resolved. I do want to thank those, especially the authors of the books I read, who noted that crying is a newborn baby's main and often only means of communication. As a new mom who had limited experience with newborns the knowledge that crying could simply mean "I'm trying to get someone's attention" rather than always means "This is terrible! I'm so unhappy!" has kept me sane.
- Newborns eat a lot. A LOT. Now, my guy seems to eat even more than average, but from talking to and reading articles from other new moms it seems like we've all had moments when we've said, "But how can he still be hungry? He just ate!" Feeding a newborn is a full-time job. One of my friends mentioned that one prenatal class she took said that new breast-feeding moms spend eight hours, more or less, feeding a newborn. I wish the classes I had taken and books I had read had framed the time commitment in that manner. Instead, I kept hearing and reading that newborns feed 8-12 times a day for an average of 15 minutes. Some books and instructors even make it seem like one feeds the baby for 15-20 minutes and then has two and a half hours to nap or do whatever one wants. Ha! Other books and authors emphasize that babies feed 5-30 minutes per side and may feed on each side at least once during a feeding, which is more realistic. I have decided the 8-12 feedings number gets repeated because it is usually the minimum a healthy baby needs, not so much because it is what all babies do. I'm shocked when mine only feeds 12 times a day, something he didn't do until about his sixth week, but even now he still usually eats more. And don't get me started on cluster feeding. The textbook description is an interval of 1-2 rather than 3 hours between feedings, but during my guy's cluster feeds I'm lucky to get a 15-minute break (meaning he can go less than an hour between feedings) during sessions that can last 3, 4, and even 5-6 hours at a time. Fortunately our little one is nursing well, gaining weight well (as we can tell!), and hasn't had too many issues. He's just a hungry little one, and I have had to adjust my expectations dramatically.
- On a less serious note, my newborn emerged needing his fingernails trimmed! I wasn't surprised to see those tiny little nails, but I was surprised to see that they were so long. Fair warning: those tiny fingernails can be sharp! If not trimmed or filed regularly they can scratch baby and parents alike. I'm still nervous about trimming my baby's nails because they're so little. (I don't have any issues with cutting the cat's, so I hope with practice I'll feel just as comfortable with the baby's.)
Here's one bonus tidbit of advice for expectant parents: a freezer full of frozen meals and a cupboard full of easily prepared dishes is a lifesaver. That said, don't devote a large amount of space to soups, no matter how delicious or healthy or homemade. New moms can only eat soup when they aren't holding the baby, and the ability to eat a whole bowl of soup before picking the baby up again may be a tricky thing to manage, especially during the first few weeks. I feel like the mom in A Christmas Story who hasn't had a hot meal in years when I try to make some of the soup I so carefully prepared for this time period. I wish I had taken my friend's advice to full the freezer with lasagna instead!
